A Lesson on Grieving

By Athan Bezaitis on November 9, 2009 9:10 AM

The USC Davis School of Gerontology hosted a trip on Oct. 30 to the Glendale branch of the Forest Lawn Memorial Parks and Mortuaries for a lesson on the grieving process that follows the death of a loved one and the business behind honoring their memory.

The busload of nearly 40 students was welcomed by Forest Lawn’s grief support counselor Galen Goben, who ushered them into the pews of a small chapel housed within a palatial estate surrounded by cemetery grounds.

“It’s difficult to face reality when you experience the loss of a loved one,” he said. “There is no timeline for grief; it does not come in stages but tends to present itself in waves and lulls. Feelings of shock, denial, depression, loneliness, panic and hostility are a normal means of self-protection.”

People often think they’re all alone, he said, because our society lacks adequate social and institutional support for grievers.

“Find comfort in knowing that your grief will not last forever,” he reminded the group. “People in bereavement often search for and find a new sense of wholeness and well-being.”

To ease the burden on families, Forest Lawn provides comprehensive funeral packages that allow loved ones to personalize the memorial service and celebrate the life of the deceased.

“We’re a full-service organization,” said Jerry Reyes, who manages memorial counselors that work with families to coordinate all aspects of mortuary, crematory and cemetery services. “We even have a flower store on the premises.”

Reyes also noted that the organization is not for profit and offers flexible rates to families of varied incomes.

The visitors next were led through a series of backdoor passageways (so as not to interrupt ongoing services) into a counseling room equipped with video-conferencing technology that allows loved ones throughout the world to coordinate funeral arrangements.

Another nearby room featured a variety of designed caskets at varying prices, including one specially designed for the Los Angeles Dodgers fan, among other motifs.

Also available for purchase were urns that bear the remains of loved ones after cremation, which included jewelry, wind chimes and a bird bath that holds up to five family members.

Students were given the choice to visit a room that displayed caskets made available for children of all ages.

Emily Nabors, a researcher at the Fall Prevention Center of Excellence and a USC Davis School alumna, chose to stay behind.

“I can only imagine how difficult this would be for a grieving family,” she said.

While such complicated decisions are part of the business, Reyes noted that “Forest Lawn makes a significant effort to be with the family every step of the way.”

Still, Nabors was appreciative of the unique opportunity.

“It put me in the shoes of someone who is grieving and planning a funeral, yet it allowed me to retain a student’s perspective.”

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